![]() Captain Sandy doesn’t want to come down on Storm she wants to teach him. I already know that this conversation will be totally calm and educational. Storm takes the guests back to the boat - and it is quite dark - and Captain Sandy tells him she wants to chat in the morning. I mean, yes, that’s probably better optics, but Storm’s overreaction here is a little dramatic. Storm is of the school of thought that Jason should have parked the Jet Ski, walked over to Storm, and delivered the message privately. I really didn’t think this was an issue at all. Jason pulls up on the Jet Ski and calls out to Storm, relaying Captain Sandy’s message, which Storm perceives as rude. Since she can’t contact Storm, she sends Jason to bring them back. ![]() The sun is setting, fast, and Captain Sandy wants the guests back before dark. Storm still struggles with time management and delegation and goes out of radio range (Big mistake! Huge!). Let’s rewind: The guests crave a seaside cocktail hour. In his defense, though, I did not think he was channeling a cocky Brad Pitt when he was sent to fetch Storm and the guests from shore. He brings this type of frat-bro energy that does not mesh well with the energies of Mzi, Courtney, and Storm. Courtney rants about him in this episode, too, saying that she’s not surprised it has taken him over 35 years to learn not to be a dick. He can’t even polish the railings! Useless. Meanwhile, Jason still sucks, as in his overall attitude. I hope he stays this way for the rest of the season. The exes (if we can call them that) seem to be getting on well. He’s working hard, staying in instead of going out, and turning out delicious after delicious dish. Triangulation alert!!ĭave is clearly still in love with her, and Natalya and Storm agree, but he is being quite mature about it. He’s blowing up her phone left and right, and we get a glimpse of her sending a message to her sister asking that she tell the boyfriend to stop contacting Tash. Speaking of Tash, her on-again, off-again saga with her boyfriend continues. Steven kills whatever vibe these girls had going on, and the night quickly ends. Tash presents Steven to the group and … crickets. Then, like always, Kyle states a universal wisdom and truth, which is that he can clock a person in 2.2 seconds, and these girls are not going to be happy with a puckered pink penis. Tash, who can’t be wrong, tells Kyle that the guests, in fact, asked for Steven, which makes no sense because the only reason they asked about him was because Tash introduced him as a concept … but moving on. His assessment is absolutely right by the way these guests are far too prudish to play with Steven, and whipping him out will only make things awkward. He insists to Tash that Steven won’t pair well with this group, referring to them as a bunch of “11-year-old girls stuck in 22-year-old bodies,” but she doesn’t listen. Kyle, heartbroken over Frank, is not amused and tells Tash as much. The guests even ask Kyle about him at lunch. ![]() Tasha teases Steven to the guests, referring to him as Kyle’s fun friend and promising to bring him out later in the evening. One thing these sorority girls aren’t ready for? Steven, the name of Kyle’s infamous pink dildo that has already made numerous appearances onboard. One of them says they got lightheaded watching Twilight, and I’m choosing to believe they meant that complimentary. ![]() I am grateful for 26-year-old Rachel and her Botox routine, because, same, and appreciate how these girls are like walking Reformation ads. Kyle calls them “the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants,” then one-ups himself by deeming them the “Gilmore Girls on steroids.” We figure out that a few of them attended Florida State University, and we can tell. We’re on charter five, which features a Cool Mom, her daughter, and all her friends. This show is Boring with a capital B, and just like many before it ( Vanderpump Rules, Southern Charm), Bravo needs to throw it overboard before it’s too late. ![]() Watching Below Deck Mediterranean actually worsens my Sunday scaries, if you can believe it. At the top of this week’s episode, Kyle grumbles that there are still 25 days left on charter. ![]()
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